She Ain't The One Read online

  “Is he your husband?” I asked, nodding toward the well-dressed man.

  “No, but he’s very special in our lives,” she said, looking at our son.

  She turned to walk away, but I stopped her. “Wait a minute. You gonna leave just like that? What about a contact number? What about Jason? You may have moved on, but I’m not going to let you take my son away from me again.”

  The man called to Tracy again. “Tracy, what’s the matter? C’mon. The limo is waiting for us,” he yelled.

  She turned to walk away from me. “Jay, don’t worry about him. Jason’s taken care of.”

  “It doesn’t matter. He’s my son, and I should be in his life. Tracy, please,” I begged, placing my card into her hand. “The least you could do is let me see him.”

  She didn’t say anything. She folded the card in her hand, then slid it into her pocket, nodding.

  I watched as Tracy walked straight into the arms of another man while carrying our son on her hip. I could tell she was explaining something regarding me and our conversation because she pointed in my direction a few times as she spoke. He placed a kiss on her forehead, then stroked her chin. He took my son from her arms, and then he and Tracy turned to look at me before heading down the hall, hand in hand.

  Once they were out of my sight, I felt tears fill my eyes. I fought hard not to let them fall. I began daydreaming about what Tracy and I used to have. I’d never loved a woman as much as I loved her, but her father couldn’t understand that. Tracy was only nineteen and in college when we met. I was well into my thirties, married with children, but still looking for love. I found it when Tracy came into my life. Many things were wrong in my marriage, and I desperately wanted out. Although to some people I might have seemed like a dirty old man, my heart was clean and honest when it came to Tracy. I wanted to be everything she needed me to be, but during that time in my life, the cards just weren’t dealt in our favor.

  I hadn’t counted on running into Tracy in the airport. It was a good thing my flight got in early or I might’ve missed her. Jason was even more adorable than I had imagined him to be. Tracy didn’t assure me she would be in touch, so the only thing I could do was hope.

  I got mad at myself for even letting Tracy affect me. She actually did me a favor by shrugging me off, I thought. Now I know the only thing we can have between us is our son. Sure, Tracy looked good and all, but I had a beautiful woman in Texas missing me. Tracy was my past but Ashlee was my future.

  CHAPTER 14

  Ashlee

  Jay had easily become my best lover, my best friend; he’d quickly become my everything, which wasn’t hard to do since I didn’t have any other friends, hadn’t worked in over a year, and was deemed an unfit mother when I’d lost custody of my infant son. Once I quit working for Darius, having money wasn’t a concern, so I decided to take a break from the nine-to-five lifestyle. Thankfully I had Jay, my rescuer, to occupy most of my time or at least my thoughts.

  Jay already had my father’s acceptance. Now all I had to do was get my mom to approve of him.

  “Mama, are you almost ready?” I yelled from the kitchen while roaming through old baby photos in an album I’d retrieved from my mother’s family room.

  “In a minute, Ashlee,” she replied in a normal tone. “I don’t know why you’re so anxious to go with me on my business trip anyway. You need to get a life, sweetheart.”

  Ignoring my mother, I wanted to surprise her, prove to her that she was wrong. I did have a life. And despite her negative comments, I’d found a good man who loved me more than I loved myself.

  “Oh my,” I said, covering my mouth as I stared at the Easter family pictures from when I was five years old.

  This was back when my mother, father, and I used to be a real family. Mom was dressed in a sleeveless pearl-pink tapered dress that showed off her stunning legs. Off-white lace gloves covered her hands and wrists. A short string of freshwater pearls neatly rested above her collarbone. Her hair was meticulously secured by a diamond clip, pulling her front hairs away from her pronounced cheekbones while allowing the remaining bundles of curls to flow behind her ears, over her shoulders, and halfway down her back. I always adored my mother, but not in a mother-daughter relationship kind of way. I envied my mother. I wanted to be my mother. Sexy. Elegant. Womanly. Confident. She did give me her name, Ashlee, only changing the y in her name to an e in mine. But that was about the most we had in common.

  I smiled at the picture of my dad, who had worn an off-white suit that matched the color of my mother’s gloves. The butterscotch hankie in his lapel matched his shoes and tie. I inherited my father’s laid-back attitude. Even when things weren’t to my liking, I seldom complained. The desire to always please my parents had overflowed into my relationships with men. I thought being cute and pretty made other people want to be around me.

  Tears welled in my eyes, splattering on the pretty pearl-pink dress I wore in the photograph. The puffy lace stood high, covering my arms from my shoulders down to my elbows. The tapered top and wide bottom were separated with the widest cream-colored ribbon tied to the back in a big bow. Spiral curls danced all around my innocent face. My gloves and pearls matched my mom’s.

  Every Sunday morning at church, we were the proud family. Unfortunately, those few hours spent between eleven and one o’clock were the only consistent time that we were together. Once Daddy got home, he went straight into his study and worked beyond sunset, past dinner, and well after midnight. Maybe Daddy wanted a family but wasn’t a family man. What if I wanted the same but wasn’t cut out to be a mother?

  “Mama! Are you ready?”

  “Ashlee, didn’t I teach you anything? Now, you know ladies don’t yell. Let’s go. Here, take my bag and put it in the car.”

  Quietly, I did as I was told. Placing the Gucci carry-on in the trunk, next to my black leather suitcase, I silently sought my mother’s approval. As she drove her sparkling crimson Jaguar to DFW Airport, I shifted my eyes to the corners, admiring how flawless her makeup was. Naturally long lashes batted upward to perfectly arched brows, and downward to full, shimmering mocha lips. Mama’s French manicure matched her toes. The crisp white halter top exposed a little cleavage, the short skirt stopped mid-thigh, and the tapered blazer accented her strong biceps. Mother looked more like my sister but acted like an acquaintance.

  “Honey, who is this guy that you want me to meet? Tell me about him.”

  “Well…” I paused, saying a quick prayer that Mama would be impressed. “His name is Jay Crawford. He works for the Department of Justice. He lives in D.C, and he loves me. Daddy already met Jay, and he really likes him. They have a lot in common.”

  “Is that right?” Mother glanced over at me. “Then why didn’t I meet Jay here as opposed to you insisting on traveling with me over two thousand miles to meet him? I hope you’re not using me as an excuse for you to visit Jay,” she said, parking in the short-term lot. “Does he know you’re coming?”

  My cell phone rang a happy tune. Quickly, I answered, “Hey, baby. I miss you.”

  “I miss you too,” Jay said.

  Standing at the first class ticket counter, my mother demanded, “Ashlee, can you get off the phone long enough for us to check in?”

  Maybe if she hadn’t been so demanding of my father, they’d still be married.

  “Who’s that?” Jay asked.

  Ignoring Jay’s question, I swiftly blurted out like I was disclosing the side effects for my medication, “I miss you, baby. I’ll call you back in a few hours. Bye. Wait. What time do you get off from work?”

  “I’m not at work today. Where are you?” Jay asked.

  Scratching the nape of my neck, I felt my heart thumping against my left breast. What did he mean he wasn’t at work? Why not? Where was he? I needed to move closer to Jay. Who was he with? Long-distance relationships made men cheat. What was he doing?

  “Ashlee, get off the phone,” Mother commanded.

  Ending the call
with a soft “bye,” I retreated into my mental world, exploring all the possibilities of why Jay had taken the day off without telling me.

  I got it!

  Dialing Information, I requested the number for Legal Seafood on Seventh Street Northwest in D.C. “Yes, I’d like to make a three o’clock reservation for three people for today…okay…three thirty is fine. Thanks.”

  Now Mama can take me off her schedule early, and I can spend the evening and night at Jay’s house.

  Powering off my cell phone, seated on the plane next to my mother, I asked the questions that I’d wondered about for years. “Mama, what’s the real reason you divorced Daddy? And why haven’t you remarried?” Mama was gorgeous, sexy, and could almost pass for being my twin. Except her attitude projected an extremely secure woman, while my attitude made me appear more confident than I was.

  Placing a black silk mask over her eyes, my mother reclined her chair, then exhaled. “Ashlee, you are your father’s child. Passive-aggressive. You think being nice will solve all your problems. But when that doesn’t happen, you get angry at the other person, then you get mad with yourself, then you hate everyone and everything around you. I worry that one day you will seriously hurt yourself, someone else, or both. To answer your second question, I’m happy being single. I love dating younger men. I see who I want, when I want, I don’t have to lie, and I don’t have to explain my whereabouts to anybody.”

  Best if I didn’t ask my mother anything else. Better if I relax and think about what she’d said. Opting not to take the antidepressant meds inside my purse, I closed my eyes, reclined my seat, and exhaled my frustrations into the air blowing in my face through the vent above my head.

  I was elated to see the escort driver at Reagan National Airport holding up a sign with the last name Anderson. Handing him both roll-away bags, I walked around to the opposite side of the black Lincoln and got in the back when the driver opened my door. I could’ve opened the door myself, but Mother would’ve frowned upon that.

  “So, finish telling me. How long have you been dating this Jay character?”

  “Almost three months, Mother, and he’s not a character. He’s a very nice man.”

  “I’ll be the judge of that. You didn’t think Darius was a character, but at least you finally stopped chasing behind him, making a spectacle of yourself. So you should be glad there’s a new man in your life. Just don’t run him off too.”

  Oh my! I forgot to call Jay! Powering on my cell, I dialed his number, relieved he answered right away.

  “Hey, baby. What’s going with you? You hung up so fast. I tried callin’ you back, but your phone was turned off.”

  “Jay, honey. Can you meet me at Legal Seafood?”

  “What? Now? Here?”

  I heard the hesitation in Jay’s voice, but I couldn’t accept no for an answer. “Please, I need to see you now. It’s not like you’re at work.”

  Jay laughed nervously, then said, “Woman, you are crazy. Are you always this unpredictable?”

  “So, is that a yes?”

  Mother stared at me, shaking her head while combing her hair.

  “Yes. Only for you, that’s a yes. I’m about fifteen minutes out, but I’m on my way.”

  “Thanks, baby.”

  Happily, I stared out my window along the twenty-minute ride to the restaurant. All I wanted to think about was Jay. Distracting me, I watched my mother remove her flawless foundation, then perfectly reapply her makeup in a moving car. Blowing me a kiss, she looked stunning. Maybe I should have a makeover for Jay.

  “Pick us up at five,” my mother said to the driver as he doubled-parked in front of Legal Seafood.

  Confidently, I said, “I won’t be needing a ride to your hotel. I’m leaving with Jay,” although Jay had no idea I was going home with him.

  “In that case, pick me up at four thirty,” my mother instructed, extending her hand to the driver as she got out of the car. Mother’s hairless legs glistened in the sunshine.

  Entering the restaurant, I was pleasantly surprised to see Jay sitting on the bench in the waiting area. Instinctively leaping into his arms, I pressed my lips hard against his, welcoming Jay’s tongue inside my hungry mouth.

  Not wanting to let my man go, I smothered Jay’s face with tons of pecks. I felt his strong arms wrap around my lower waist, pulling me closer. When he pressed his moist lips to my ear, I shivered.

  Jay seductively whispered, “You don’t know how glad I am to see you. You’re coming home with me so I can have my special squirt dessert.” My entire body tingled at the thought of how. Jay consistently made me come. Squeezing my vaginal muscles, I felt my body jerking hard in anticipation of having another G-spot orgasm. I was tempted to bypass lunch completely and let him whisk me home. That is, until my mother cleared her throat. For the moment, I’d completely forgotten about her.

  Breaking Jay’s embrace, I said, “Baby, I want you to meet my mother, Ashley-with-a-’y’ Anderson.”

  My heart thumped into my breast as I watched Jay’s dimples disappear. As he shook his head, his forehead wrinkled, almost connecting his eyebrows. Seemingly annoyed, Jay whispered in my ear, “Ashlee, you have got to stop doing this surprise shit. I’m a grown-ass man, not some little boy who goes along with everything you do.”

  Oh, but you will not only go along with everything I do, you, my love, will do everything I say, I thought, smiling innocently at Jay.

  Looking at my mom, Jay said, “Hi, Mrs. Anderson. I’m—”

  “Handsome. Indeed, you are decadent. Call me Ashley. And the pleasure is mutual.”

  My mother’s smile was wide and bright enough to light up the entire restaurant as she eyed Jay like he was her favorite piece of meat. If she weren’t my mother, I’d slap her in the mouth.

  Jay grinned at my mother, extending a handshake, when suddenly my mother’s hand twirled up to my man’s lips, beckoning, then receiving a gentle kiss.

  “Mmm, nice touch,” my mother said, blowing my man away with those long-ass lashes. “You have very soft lips.”

  That was probably the same way Fancy had stolen Darius from me. Mother and I didn’t spend that much time together, but if she didn’t correct her flirtatious behavior she’d witness my, as she called it, passive-aggressive behavior turn violent. Why did everybody who came into my life push me to the fuckin’ edge?

  Thankfully, I was saved by the friendly hostess, who said, “This way, please.”

  I walked ahead of my mother, damn near walking backward to watch her ass until we sat at a window diagonally facing the Verizon Center across the street. Mother obviously made it a point to sit next to Jay but across from me.

  Handing us menus, the hostess said, “Your waiter will be with you in a moment.”

  “So, Jay, Ashlee tells me you work for the Department of Justice.”

  Jay smiled, then said, “Yes, I’m a social worker.”

  There went that blinding smile across Mother’s face again. Now that I saw her in action, I understood how she lured younger men.

  “Really? I’m meeting with a Mr. Sheldon Thomas in your department tomorrow. Personal, not business.”

  She didn’t tell me that. I tried my damnedest not to show how pissed off I was.

  “Naw, really? Sheldon is my counterpart.”

  “Well, if you’re not busy after my meeting, perhaps we can do a late lunch. Here’s my card.” Sliding her card between Jay’s thick fingers, mother let her touch last way too long. “Nice touch,” she said before speaking to me. “Ashlee, darling, are we ready to order?”

  I learned more about my mother in those few minutes than I had in years. Finally, I understood what Mother’s comment about my passive-aggressive behavior meant when I simply answered, “Yes, Mama.” I was raging mad on the inside.

  Slowly tracing the rim of the water glass with her pointing finger, Mother asked, “Oh, Jay, what do you recommend I have?”

  Almost choking, Jay shook his head, then replied, “Umm, t
he crab cakes are a must.”

  “Fabulous. Order for us. So, tell me, Jay, how did you and Ashlee meet?”

  Jay’s eyes lit up, which made me feel better. “Didn’t Ashlee tell you?”

  “I wanna hear it from you,” Mother insisted.

  Jay glanced at me as if he wanted to be rescued.

  “Don’t look at her. She’s not the one you’re talking to. Now tell me, how did the two of you meet?”

  He tried one last time to look at me, but Mother’s finger stopped him.

  “We met at a club. In the VIP section. Late one night.”

  My mother glanced over at me and I felt ashamed. All of what Jay said was true, but it was how he’d said it. So matter-of-fact.

  Continuing, Jay said, “I was minding my own business. People watching, ya know.”

  “Yesss, I do know,” Mother said, caressing Jay’s dimple with her thumb. “I bet they were watching you too.”

  Looking at me, Jay smiled and said, “Then I saw an angel and later learned her named was Ashlee Anderson. Mrs. Anderson, I love your daughter.”

  Now it was my turn to smile. “And I love you, too, baby.”

  “And I’m going to be sick,” my mother added as she leaned over the table to give Jay a kiss.

  The waiter stood between us holding a pad. “Are you ready to order?”

  That was rude. Couldn’t the waiter see my lips were poked out? I missed if Mother actually kissed Jay and it was all this damn waiter’s fault.

  “Yes, the lady will have…” Jay said, gesturing toward my mom, “the world-famous crab cakes. I’ll have the same. And, honey, what would you like?”

  Squinting at Jay, I replied, “The same,” because clearly he didn’t care enough to ask beforehand. Wait until I get him home. He’s going to wish he’d ordered for me.

  “Ashlee, honey,” Mother said, lowering her head while lifting her lashes. I could tell by her tone that she was about to embarrass me. “You’re allergic to crab, remember?”

  “Oh. Well then, I’ll have the salmon,” I said sternly to the waiter. Oh, I hated my mother sometimes.