Big Girls Do Cry Page 13

  “No, no, I just stopped here to get a bottle. The place we’re going is BYOB, but it’s much better than this.”

  “Are you sure? We’re kind of far out in the country, aren’t we?” I asked.

  “Trust me.” He flashed me the sweetest smile, and that was all I needed to put my mind at ease.

  “Okay, but don’t leave me out here alone too long.” I got back in my car to wait.

  He disappeared into the front door of the shack and then quickly returned with a bag. He opened my passenger side door, sliding into the seat next to me.

  “Go ‘head down this road.” He pointed and I just drove. I didn’t even ask about why he was leaving his car.

  Up until this point, I’d been on autopilot. I never asked where we were going. I just assumed it was some after-hours place out here in the country. But at about the same time my martini buzz started subsiding, my sensible side woke up. Why the hell was I going to some juke joint way out in the country with a man I barely knew? For a moment, I was nervous, wondering if I was driving myself into some sort of trap. If I needed to be rescued, would my cell phone even get reception way the hell out here? I looked over at Terrance to see if his face would reveal any sinister thoughts in his head, but all I saw was a man who couldn’t take his eyes off me.

  “I’m so glad I met you tonight,” he told me.

  And just like that, I relaxed. This man was just looking to have a good time with me, and he was sure showing me a good time—something my husband hadn’t done in a long time. So that’s why I was here, traveling down a dark country road with someone I’d just met, behaving in a way I never dreamed I would. I wanted to pay Leon back for everything he’d done to me. Oh, I still loved my husband; I couldn’t help it. But those panties were like a dark shroud hanging over me, and the only way to cleanse myself of it was to get even. I wanted him to feel the same way I did.

  Terrance told me to turn down a dirt road that didn’t look like it was traveled by many people. I couldn’t imagine any kind of party spot being down here, and my heart rate picked up a bit. Maybe he sensed my nervousness, because he slipped one of my CDs into the player, and Alicia Keys’s soothing voice came on. It helped a little, but still, that road was getting kind of spooky. It reminded me of something out of a Friday the Thirteenth movie.

  “Hey, turn off your lights,” he said.

  I looked at him like he was crazy. It was pitch-black outside—I mean, damn, even the moon was hiding—and he wanted me to turn the lights out while I was driving. He seemed nice enough, but now I was really starting to worry that I’d allowed myself to leave the club with some nutcase. I casually reached down with my left hand and took my mace from its hiding spot on the driver’s side door.

  “Why in the world would I turn off my lights?” I asked.

  “Because I asked you to. And you trust me.”

  I stopped the car.

  “You’re taking this trust thing a little far, aren’t you? And where the hell are we going? I haven’t seen a car or house since we turned down this road.”

  “We’re almost there. Come on. All you got to do is drive with your lights out for about fifteen seconds and we’ll be there. Come on, trust me.”

  I was going against my better judgment and everything I’d ever been taught when I turned out my lights and started to drive down that road in the pitch black. I was still holding on to my mace tight, though. One false move on his part and I was going to set his eyes on fire.

  “One, two, three, four, five …”

  Terrance turned up the music as I counted.

  “… thirteen, fourteen, fifteen.”

  “Stop the car!” he yelled.

  I jammed my foot on the brake, switched the lights on, and then dropped my mace back into its hiding place.

  “Oh my God.” In front of us was the most beautiful man-made waterfall I’d ever seen. I stepped out of my car, standing there in awe, until I felt his arms come around my waist from behind.

  “Pretty, huh?”

  “Gorgeous.” We stood there for a few minutes and just took in its beauty. “What is it—a dam?”

  “Yep, there’s a larger one a couple miles up the road. Most people don’t know about this one, mostly just fishermen.”

  “How’d you find this place anyway? You’re a fisherman?”

  “I’d like to think so. A friend of mine took me fishing down here about three years ago. I caught a ten-pound bass down by those rocks.”

  “Nobody has ever taken me somewhere like this.”

  “Tonight might be a first for a lot of things.”

  He reached into the car and changed the music. Bobby Womack’s song “If You Think You’re Lonely Now” was playing.

  “Can I have this dance?” He put out his hand. I took it, and we began to slow dance, my head on his shoulders, my arms around his neck, his hands on my ass, our bodies so close an ant couldn’t walk between us. We picked up right where we left off.

  I guess we were dancing that way for a half hour before he whispered, “I think you’re beautiful.” I lifted my head off his shoulder and turned it so that we were face-to-face. I knew what was coming next but made no attempt to stop him.

  He kissed me and I kissed him back. Leon had never been much of a kisser, other than the occasional peck he’d give me before he left for work. Even when we were intimate, we never really kissed. I was pleasantly surprised when Terrance slid his tongue in my mouth. I offered no resistance.

  “I want you,” he whispered when we broke the kiss.

  As much as I wanted him too, I still wasn’t sure if I could go all the way. I’d always prided myself on being faithful, and I looked down on women who tipped around on their husbands—double dipping, as Jerome called it. I thought it was disgusting, but now, with Terrance nibbling on my ears, I just didn’t know anymore. Maybe those women had a reason for stepping out. I mean, after what Leon had done, who could blame me for getting even?

  Still, it wasn’t a simple decision for me to make. I had the proverbial angel and devil on my shoulders, as I battled with my conscience.

  Okay, you’ve gone far enough. The kissing was one thing, but if you take this any further, there will be consequences to pay. Don’t cross that line. Do the right thing. Get back in your car and take your butt home.

  Then Terrance would hit the right spot on my neck, and I’d think, Girl, forget that good-girl shit. What’s it ever got you? It got your ass beat, a black eye, and a cheating-ass husband. Go on and get yours. Leon’s cheating on you, isn’t he? Where do you think those panties came from? Then he had the nerve to hit you, and he’s the one cheating on you? Naw, go on and handle your business.

  Could I do it? I wondered as conflicting thoughts waged war in my head. One thing was for sure: If I did do it, I’d have to keep it to myself. I couldn’t let this sort of thing get out, not even to Jerome, particularly now that I was being considered for a national position as president of my sorority. He was my best friend, and I wasn’t in the habit of keeping secrets from him, but I didn’t think it would be hard to keep my mouth shut about this one. I’d already had practice when I made the decision not to tell him about the panties and the last beating. I loved my friend, but if I did this, I was taking this secret to my grave.

  “I want you,” he whispered again.

  “I want you too,” I whispered back. “Did you bring any condoms?”

  Egypt

  21

  “Now, just try to relax. You’re going to feel a small amount of pressure as I enter your vagina. Possibly a little discomfort when I enter your cervix and uterus, but it won’t last for long,” Dr. Collins told Isis.

  She was on her back, naked from the waist down, with both legs in the stirrups covered only by a paper sheet. She glanced at me. I wasn’t sure if she was scared, but I reached out and held her hand. Anytime I’d ever heard a doctor talk about discomfort, it usually meant pain, so I was trying to comfort her the best I could.

  “You
okay?” I asked.

  She nodded and then grimaced when Dr. Collins ducked under the sheet to insert this long tube thing up inside her vagina. She squeezed my hand tightly. I leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. Yes, she was in pain, but she had no idea how much I envied her. I would have taken a hell of a lot more pain than that to have Rashad’s baby.

  “Ow!” Isis shouted. She was squeezing my hand in a vise grip. “Oh my God, Egypt! This man is trying to rip my shit apart.”

  “Dr. Collins, you’re hurting her. Can you be a little gentler?”

  He ignored me and pushed that thing in farther.

  Isis and I had been pretty tight before I started dating Rashad, but I’d never felt as close as I did now with my sister. She’d been poked, prodded, and tested for almost a month without a complaint. I had to give it to her; she was showing herself to be a real trooper, a true sister, and a good friend in every sense of the word. It was almost as if she wanted this baby as much as Rashad and I did. I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to repay her. Up until recently, I thought she might still have a problem with me being with Rashad. Now I couldn’t believe I’d ever doubted her sincerity.

  Many people would have said it was my own fault if my sister did hate me. I was the one who had broken what some would call the cardinal rule of dating: Thou shall not date, fool around with, or marry your girlfriend’s or sister’s ex. Plenty of women would say I should never have messed with Rashad. On the other hand, those who saw it my way would say that Rashad was fair game once Isis became engaged to Tony. I didn’t know which one was right, but I wouldn’t second guess myself, because there was no doubt in my mind that Rashad was my soul mate.

  I honestly didn’t know if I could have been as forgiving as my sister. Oh, she was mad in the beginning, but she could have tried to make my life a living hell, and she never did. That’s a big part of why I always kept my eye on her. She’d given me a pass, so I was obligated to stand by her side during her times of trouble.

  I was truly blessed to have the relationship I had with my sister. We’d gotten past any differences, and now she was making the ultimate sacrifice for me. I mean, to give up nine months of her life to conceive a precious little baby, then give it up to Rashad and me so that we could be parents … It was truly a humbling experience.

  On the bright side, the way things were going, I really felt like I was participating in the whole process. And believe me, the process was not simple, for my sister or for Rashad. For the past two days, he and I had been coming to the doctor’s office so that he could masturbate and give them a sperm sample. When he finished, they washed his sperm through a special process, and only the strongest swimmers were used for the insemination process.

  Rashad had been taking the whole thing very seriously. He was so concerned about his sperm count that we hadn’t had sex in more than a week. Now, that might have been good for the process, but it sure as hell wasn’t doing me any good. I was used to getting some at least two or three times a week. A sister was about due, if you know what I mean.

  I knew I would be all right, though. Now that Isis was being inseminated, Rashad promised me tonight would be our night to celebrate. As I stood there and let my sister squeeze the hell out of my hand, I distracted myself from the pain by daydreaming about the great sex I had to look forward to.

  “Ow!” Isis shouted.

  I glanced over at the doctor. He could ignore me if he wanted to, but I was going to snatch that thing out of his hand and show him how it worked if he kept hurting my sister.

  He must have sensed my thoughts, because he announced, “Don’t worry. I’m done.”

  Just like that, it was over. Isis was inseminated. The doctor and Rashad had done their parts; now it was up to Isis and God to do the rest.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m all right,” she grunted. “We did it.”

  “No, Isis, you did it, and I love you for it.”

  “I love you too.”

  To say this was an intense moment was an understatement. A little more than a month ago, Isis was a beacon of controversy in my household, and now she was an angel of hope. She didn’t know it, but she’d single-handedly saved my marriage. Soon, Rashad and I would be parents, and our family would be complete. For the first time, it truly sank in: I was going to be a mommy.

  “So, Doctor, when will we know?” I was so anxious that I could barely sit still. “What are the chances she’ll get pregnant?” He’d answered this ten times already, but I wanted to hear him explain it again. I’m sure I wasn’t the first mother-to-be to ask a million questions.

  “Good. The chances are very good that Isis will get pregnant. She has a strong uterus, which can support a pregnancy. She was ovulating during our insemination.”

  “That’s great.” I couldn’t wait to go outside to the waiting room and see Rashad. “Do you think it will take a long time for Isis to get pregnant?”

  “Now, that I can’t say. You’re just getting started. Most couples don’t get pregnant until the third or fourth try. We’ll just have to wait and see. If it doesn’t work this month, we’ll try next month when she ovulates. But like I said, her body temperature indicates she’s ovulating, and our tests show that she has healthy eggs. It’s just a matter of fertilization. Each month, we will keep track of her cycle and do the insemination, until we get the results we’re looking for.”

  “I hope I don’t have to go through this no more,” Isis said. “It hurts.”

  “Well, go home and keep your feet up. If you have any discomfort, you can take Tylenol.”

  Dr. Collins left the room, and I helped Isis dress. She was acting so helpless that you’d think she’d already had the baby, but I was enjoying every minute of it. Taking care of her was the least I could do to show my gratitude.

  We walked out to the waiting room, smiling and holding hands. Even sharing a bedroom growing up, we had never been this close.

  Rashad still looked a little disappointed that he had been forced to stay in the waiting area. He wanted to come in during the insemination, but I told him no. I mean, he did used to sleep with my sister, and no matter how close I was feeling to her right now, there was still that part of me that was determined to make sure my husband never again saw her naked.

  “Well, how did it go?” he asked.

  “We have to wait before we find out if this round worked, but the doctor says he’s sure it’s only a matter of time before you’re a daddy,” I told him with a smile.

  He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around both of us. Here I was with the man I loved and the sister who was giving us the most beautiful gift. I felt so loved. This was a moment I would never forget.

  Isis

  22

  On our way home from the doctor’s office, we stopped at Chesterfield Town Center Mall at my suggestion. I loved to shop and so did my sister, so I was hoping to pick up a few things and have Rashad pick up the tab. He was so giddy about me walking around with his sperm up inside me, I could probably get him to buy me just about anything if my sister weren’t around. If I had known he was going to be rich and that having a baby was this important to him, I would have let him knock me up years ago.

  I was in a really good mood as we strolled through the different shops, spending Rashad’s money like he had an endless supply. It was almost as if we were both married to him until Egypt took his hand, leaning against him playfully. I watched them kiss, and my blood began to boil. I’m not sure why, but lately that kind of shit angered me. Probably because Egypt just loved to rub it in my face that she was with Rashad and I wasn’t. She’d been doing a lot of that lately, and it was pissing me off. Well, let’s see her rub it in my face when I’m carrying his damn baby.

  Speaking of pissing me off, Egpyt really did it this afternoon at the doctor’s office when she wouldn’t allow Rashad to be in the room while they inseminated me. Hell, he and I were the biological parents of this baby, not her. Who the fuck was she to say he coul
d or couldn’t be there when our baby was being conceived? If I had my druthers, we’d be making the baby the old-fashioned way, and she’d be the one waiting outside the room for the results.

  It was time to see how much this baby thing was really going to get me. When I saw the sharpest maternity outfits in a store display window, I called out, “Ooh-wee, let’s stop here.”

  Egypt, who had been in a good mood lately, said, “We haven’t even done the pregnancy test and you’re already acting like you’re pregnant. You need to slow down.”

  She didn’t see, but I gave her the nastiest look.

  “Look, I’ve been turkey basted to death, and I should be pregnant. I got a good feeling,” I said. “Let’s get an early start.”

  The truth was, I already felt a little different, like the first time I was pregnant. I don’t know, just a little warmer than usual, like my temperature was elevated. They had this early pregnancy test we could do at home, so we might know in about ten days.

  “Aw, let her go in and look and see what she likes,” Rashad said.

  Egypt let out a good-natured sigh. “Okay. Girl, you are getting spoiled already. These clothes look rather expensive.”

  “Well, I’ll just get a few nice pieces; then the rest I’ll buy secondhand.”

  “No, you won’t wear thrift-shop clothes,” Rashad said. “We want you to be in a good frame of mind while you’re pregnant. That way the baby will have a good disposition. I read that in the baby books.”

  Those two had all these baby books from before, and they had pulled them out and reread them now that I was trying to get pregnant for them. If I didn’t wish they were broken up, I’d think they were a cute couple.