So You Call Yourself a Man Read online

  I wanted to tell her to be careful what she asked for, because the truth is a double-edged sword, so it can cut you from two directions. But if she wanted the truth, I’d give it to her. I was tired of lying, and even more tired from being up all night and fighting with her. It was time for the truth. Besides, it couldn’t get any worse. She already thought I was fooling around. Which was worse, me having an affair now or me having a kid out of wedlock? I guess I was about to find out.

  I reached out and took her hand. I was surprised that she let me touch her, although she looked like she was holding her breath as she waited for me to speak.

  “Cathy, before I tell you this, I just want you to know how much I love you and our boys.”

  “We love you too, James. Now tell me what’s going on.”

  “Damn, I don’t even know where to start.” I heaved a deep sigh. “We’re behind on the mortgage, Cathy. And I know you don’t like it, but I took on a second job, driving for an escort service at night to get us caught up.” I just couldn’t do it. I was so close to telling her the truth about Michelle, but I lost my nerve when this lie popped into my head. I used to drive female escorts around when Cathy and I first met, but she put a stop to it right after we got married. With that history, it wasn’t so far-fetched for her to believe that I’d started driving again.

  Apparently the lie was a good one, because she no longer looked concerned about me cheating; she looked scared to death about the mortgage. I was glad she never looked at the bills.

  “How did this happen?”

  “Thank your boy Mayor Bloomberg and his new tax assessment. Because of him, our mortgage went up three hundred dollars a month.”

  “How far behind are we?”

  “Well, we were three months behind, and they were about to put us into foreclosure before I took this second job, but now we’re just two months behind.” I knew the word “foreclosure” would be enough to make her forget about her suspicions. Once the lie came to me, it was easy to keep spinning the false tale.

  “Thank God. We’re not going to lose this house, are we, baby?” Now I was “baby” again.

  “No, we’re not going to lose the house. Not if I can help it. But I am going to have to continue to work some late nights. I know you don’t want me driving for an escort service, but it’s the only fast money I know how to make.”

  “Don’t worry about me. You just do what you gotta do to save our house. If I have to, I’ll get a second job too.” Cathy started to cry again, and I felt like such a dog, especially when she scooted over and put her arms around me.

  Oh, the web we weave when we practice to deceive, I thought. As soon as I told that lie, I knew I was going to have to tell another lie to cover it, but I couldn’t bear to tell her about Marcus. I wanted to stop lying, but I just couldn’t break her heart like that. How could I explain that I’d been with another woman while we were having problems, and conceived a child outside of our marriage? There were just no mitigating circumstances or excuses for that. When we first separated, Cathy and I had been going to counseling, trying to repair our marriage, and I’d still chosen to pursue the affair with Michelle. Cathy believed we were well on our way to happiness again, and this would seem like a mockery of all that she held sacred.

  24

  Brent

  “Look, man, I gotta get out of here. Cathy’s cooking fried chicken, and you know how much I love her fried chicken.” James smiled contentedly as he folded the check I’d given him and placed it in his wallet. We’d just spent the last hour talking about and even doing a little praying about his situation with Michelle. I’d known the guy for over thirty years, and I’d never seen him look this depressed, so I felt obligated to help him both spiritually and financially. I’d given him a check so that he could finally put this whole paternity thing behind him. Maybe finding out the truth would give him some peace of mind. I just hoped it was the truth he was looking for.

  “I wanna thank you for this, Brent.”

  “Not a problem,” I replied as he gave me a grateful hug.

  “Tell Alison I said hi.”

  “I sure will.” I walked him to the door and he hugged me again.

  “Call me when you get your results.”

  James nodded as he walked out the door. “You’ll be the first to know. I’ll see you at church on Sunday.”

  “I’ll be looking forward to it.”

  I closed the door and walked into the kitchen to fix myself a frozen dinner. It was a little after seven in the evening, and Alison wouldn’t be home from visiting the first lady until some time around 8:30, or 9 o’clock. Now that I thought about it, I should have asked James to call Cathy and see if I could join them for some of that fried chicken. Cathy wasn’t a gourmet in the kitchen like my wife, but she could fry the heck out of some bird. Well, hindsight is 20/20, I decided, as I pulled out a potpie and turned the toaster oven up to 350 degrees. Just then, the phone rang, and I wondered if James had left something behind.

  “Hello.”

  “Brent?” It was Alison.

  “Hey, honey, what’s up? You still at the hospital?”

  “Yeah, we’re about to bring the first lady down to the chapel. There are too many people in the room and even more in the lobby. The entire women’s choir showed up to see her after rehearsal, so the bishop asked the hospital chaplain if it was all right for us to have a service in the chapel, and he said yes.”

  “Y’all having a service? Maybe I should come on down there.”

  “No, you stay right where you’re at. It’s a women’s devotional service for the first lady. I don’t need you showing up and working up all these women. It’s bad enough I’ve got to look at them gawk at you on Sunday. Besides, I want you to set the table for two. I’ve got a little surprise for you.”

  “A surprise? Don’t tell me.” I was smiling from ear to ear. “You’re pregnant?”

  “No, baby, I’m not pregnant yet,” she replied sadly. “But that is something we need to work on when I get home. I know I’m ovulating.”

  “So…what’s the surprise?”

  “Did you eat yet?”

  “No, I was just about to put a potpie in the oven.”

  “Well, I’m glad I caught you because I just sent someone over to The Rib Shack to bring you some of those ribs you like so much.”

  “Some Rib Shack ribs? Praise God, that sounds good.” I shoved the potpie back in its container, then into the freezer. I loved me some Rib Shack ribs. The meat just falls off the bone. “Who you got bringing them over? Don’t tell me it’s that crazy Shorty.”

  “No, I haven’t seen Shorty tonight, so I sent Jackie.” My heart almost missed a beat.

  “Jackie? Jackie Moss, the organ player? Now, that is a surprise.” This was more than just a surprise, it was an unwelcome one. “Ah…you know, honey, that’s not necessary. I’m actually kind of tired, and by the time Jackie gets here, I will have eaten my potpie and gone to bed. So go on and tell Jackie I said some other time.”

  “I can’t. I gave Jackie the money almost half an hour ago. Your food should be there any moment.”

  Of course, you know at that exact moment the doorbell rang. I closed my eyes, praying Jackie would behave and respect my marriage. I didn’t have much faith in my prayer being answered, though. Maybe I should have just told Alison about the advances Jackie had been making on me. What better way to stop your wife from sending her rivals to your bed than to make sure she knows who her rivals are? I actually considered telling her for a minute, but realized it would be impossible. Telling Alison that the spouse of a church trustee was relentlessly pursuing me would end up causing a whole lot more drama than I was already having fending off Jackie’s advances. Besides, in a way, I was just as guilty as Jackie because I sometimes enjoyed the attention and couldn’t control my attraction.

  “Brent, are you still there, honey? Is something wrong?”

  “No honey, nothing’s wrong. I just hear someone at the door. I t
hink Jackie’s here.”

  “All right, then. Go eat your dinner so you can get some rest. I’ll be home after a while. I love you, Brent.”

  “I love you too.” She hung up the phone as the doorbell rang again.

  I slowly walked to the door, hesitating before I opened it. Once again, I closed my eyes to pray, but a vision of Jackie’s exposed rear end waiting for me on the other side of the door flashed into my mind. My eyes flew open. That was not the thought I wanted to have as I opened the door. Not if I wanted to make it through dinner without getting myself into trouble.

  I opened the door and as usual, Jackie was looking good and smelling good.

  “Hey, Brother Williams, your wife asked me to bring you some dinner.”

  I was surprised by Jackie’s formality. Usually when we were alone, I was addressed by my first name or some endearing term. I stuck my head out the door, assuming there must be a church member lurking behind Jackie or sitting in the car, but there was no one.

  “I know. She called.” I stood there trying to avoid Jackie’s piercing stare. That is, until I realized Jackie wasn’t staring at me at all.

  “Well, can I come in? The food’s going to get cold. I’ve got potato salad, macaroni and cheese, collard greens, corn bread, and two pound of ribs. Oh, and peach cobbler.” I stepped aside and Jackie walked by very nonchalantly, without even looking my way. I was confused. This wasn’t the same aggressive Jackie that barged into my house so many times before and mooned me in the church two Sundays ago. No, this Jackie seemed more laid back, more subdued, more down to business, and maybe even uninterested in me. “Where would you like to eat?”

  “How about over there?” I pointed to the dining room.

  Jackie nodded, leading the way. Lord knows I tried, but I couldn’t keep my mind or my eyes off Jackie’s ass. It was as if there was a LOOK AT ME sign plastered on both cheeks. Jackie caught me looking too, dead to rights, but instead of that arrogant you-know-you-want-me smirk I was accustomed to, I got nothing. No reaction at all, just a, “Where are the plates?” And believe it or not, that bothered me. It bothered me a lot.

  A few minutes later, Jackie was taking the dishes out of the breakfront and setting the table while I opened a bottle of wine. My dinner companion brought another confused look to my face by declining anything stronger than wine. On Jackie’s last visit, my liquor cabinet had been raided within minutes. I was glad we avoided that because hard liquor made Jackie much more aggressive.

  Once the table was set and the wineglasses were filled, we sat down to bless the food and eat dinner. The meal was uneventful, mostly small talk about church gossip and politics. I have to admit, I really enjoyed myself. I got a chance to see a side of Jackie that I’d never seen before, and as far as I was concerned, we could have talked all night. Not only was Jackie sexy, but was also surprisingly intelligent. There was one part of the meal where things got a little hot, though, and I’m not even sure if Jackie was aware of it. You see, Jackie had a way of eating ribs that was more like fellatio than consuming food. Just watching those lips nibble on those ribs and suck the juice out of those bones had my manhood standing at attention. By the time we finished our meal, I was sweating.

  I was so sexually aroused that I actually thought about making a move. Probably the biggest reason I didn’t was because something inside told me that Jackie and Trustee Moss had found some common ground in their relationship. I came to this conclusion because Jackie hadn’t made one move toward me. I was actually upset when we were sitting in the living room and finished off the bottle of wine, because Jackie suggested it was time to leave. That, of course, was the last thing I wanted. Reluctantly, I walked Jackie to the door. Believe it or not, the thought of asking for a good-night kiss came to mind, although I wasn’t brazen enough to open my mouth and do it.

  “Brent, there’s something you should know,” Jackie said softly, looking up at me. This was where I expected Jackie to tell me about working things out with Trustee Moss and that we couldn’t see each other outside of social events.

  “What’s that?” I leaned over so that I could smell Jackie’s hair.

  “I’m going out to dinner on Friday night at Umberto’s.” Well, that solidified it for me. I knew they were going to work things out because Umberto’s was Jackie’s favorite restaurant.

  “I’m happy for you, Jackie. I’m sure Trustee Moss is happy about it too.”

  “You don’t understand. I’m not going with the trustee.” My back straightened up, and Jackie looked at me with what could only be described as a guilt-ridden face.

  “If you’re not going with Trustee Moss, then who?” I held my breath as I waited for an answer.

  “Jonathan Wilcox.” The name rolled off of Jackie’s tongue like a love song and stuck in my throat like a slimy piece of okra, making me want to gag.

  “Jonathan Wilcox from the choir?”

  Jackie nodded, and I was speechless for a few seconds. I couldn’t stand whiney behind Jonathan Wilcox, and I’m sure that’s one of the reasons Jackie was dating him.

  “Jonathan Wilcox is a sissy boy,” I pointed out, still trying to conceal my mounting jealousy.

  “No, he’s not a sissy,” Jackie snapped defensively. “He’s a nice young man.”

  “Young is right. He’s a kid! What is he, twenty years old? I thought you didn’t like younger men.”

  “He’s twenty-four, and unlike some men I’ve been interested in, he appreciates me.” Jackie smirked as if a naughty thought had just come to mind, and I got a chill because that smirk used to be reserved for me. “He also appreciates what I can do for him.”

  Oh, my God, had Jackie actually done it with Jonathan? An image of them together popped into my head. The thought turned my stomach. The truly absurd thing was that Jackie and I were sitting here discussing a date, both of us ignoring the obvious fact that married people are not supposed to be going out on dates to begin with.

  “What you can do for him! What the heck have you done with him?” My voice was sharp and demanded an answer. The question was, did I really want one?

  “I haven’t done nothin’ yet. But Friday’s only three days away.”

  “You can’t be serious about Jonathan Wilcox.” I started to laugh but was cut off by Jackie’s very serious face.

  “Why can’t I? You don’t want me. I’ve given you every opportunity to make a move tonight. Do you really think I eat ribs that way?” An image of Jackie nibbling and sucking on those rib bones popped back into my head and I immediately broke out in a sweat. “That was for your benefit. I was trying to show you what I can do with my mouth. I wanted to turn you on. I obviously failed.”

  No, you didn’t, I wanted to scream.

  I couldn’t believe Jackie had purposely been sucking on those ribs to put sexual thoughts in my head. I was so weak, I fell right into the trap. And even worse, now that I’d given it enough thought, another image flashed in my head of those lips working over my penis, and it instantly sprang back to attention. I tried to inconspicuously move my hand to conceal it, but it was too late. Jackie’s eagle eyes spotted it, and I knew it when both eyebrows went up.

  “Mmm, mmm, mmm, what do we have here? No, don’t do that. Why you trying to hide it? I’m flattered.” Jackie’s hands were on mine, moving them out of the way. I shuddered with pleasure and with shame as a battle raged within me. My conscience was screaming for me to stop, but the nearness of Jackie’s body, the images flashing in my mind, and the fact that my wife had been spending too much time away from home all came together at that moment to overwhelm me. I’m sorry, but I could no longer control my desire.

  I put my hand over Jackie’s and held it on my erection. Our eyes locked, and I leaned in closer. My mouth pressed against those full, beautiful lips I’d been staring at throughout dinner and I felt the heat rushing through my body. I loved my wife, but she’d never made me feel this kind of electricity, especially with just a kiss. A moan escaped as I opened my mouth and
my tongue came out to explore Jackie’s mouth. As our tongues intertwined, I heard the last few faint protests from my conscience before my lust completely took control. There was only one thing I wanted now, and though it went against everything I believed in, I was ready to break my marriage vows and make love to Jackie.

  “I want you,” I whispered as I kissed Jackie’s ear.

  “You ain’t said nothing but a word.” It didn’t take long for Jackie’s jeans and underwear to slide down to the floor. “Come on, Brent, take it out. Let’s see what you’re working with.”

  A few seconds later, I was unzipping my pants as I kissed the back of Jackie’s neck. I’d never felt so much passion in my entire life as I watched my lover assume the position with hands flat against my front door.

  “Put it in,” Jackie insisted, and I was about to oblige when a crucial thought crossed my mind. Lord, how would Alison feel if she knew I was about to make love to Jackie?

  “I’ve gotta get a condom,” I replied as I dashed into my bedroom. I may have never been as consumed with lust as I was at that moment, but I just wasn’t going to be stupid.

  It took me a minute to find one because Alison and I had never had a reason to use them. I finally dashed back into the living room sporting a red Trojan and ready to make love. I grabbed Jackie, who was now fully undressed, by the hips and was about to make the final plunge into adultery. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending how you look at it, that’s when I saw the flash of light against my eyelids. I opened my eyes to see Alison’s car pulling into the driveway, her headlights shining through the small windows at the top of the door.

  “Oh, no!” I practically shouted as I pulled off the condom. My erection immediately deflated and my conscience was back, ready to kick my ass now. How could I have been so stupid? Standing here in my own house, the house I shared with my wife, getting ready to commit adultery.

  “What is it?” Jackie asked.

  “Alison just pulled into the driveway.”