So You Call Yourself a Man Page 16

  After she handed my phone back, she got her coat and purse. “Let’s go.”

  During the twenty-minute ride to Michelle’s house, I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. Here I was, sitting in the car with my mother, who was excited about the idea of meeting her three-year-old grandson, the one I’d fathered with someone other than my wife. At this moment, our emotional states could not have been more opposite. As eager as she was, I was nervous about seeing Marcus for the first time since getting DNA proof. I could no longer operate with that safety net in the back of my mind, the one that said, Don’t worry, he might not be yours. Now I had to deal with him as my child, and I felt a sudden obligation to try to bond with him, something I wasn’t sure I could do.

  In my state of distress, my mind started playing tricks on me. I began to think maybe that 0.1 percent chance that he wasn’t mine could still turn out to be the correct result. Maybe my mother would take one look at him and announce that he didn’t look a thing like our family, that he couldn’t possibly be my child. Now, I knew damn well that the likelihood of that happening was just about zero, but still, the thought crossed my mind several times before we pulled up in front of Michelle’s place.

  When we got there, my mother took the lead. I didn’t know what to say.

  “Hello, Michelle. I’m Mrs. Robinson, James’s mother.”

  Michelle extended her hand in greeting, causing me to wonder who this woman was and what she had done with the real Michelle. “Hello, Mrs. Robinson. Pleased to meet you.” She turned to Marcus’s bedroom and called out, “Marcus, honey, come out here and meet your other grandmother.”

  Michelle was laying it on thick, and my mother was eating it up. Ma gave me a look that said, I thought you told me this woman was not nice. I just shrugged and kept my mouth shut.

  Marcus came out of the room, holding his head down.

  My mother always had a way with children. “Come here, sugar plumpkin,” she said.

  Marcus slowly ambled over to my mother and reached up and hugged her around her thick waist. Mama’s eyes watered as she looked down at him. “James, this boy looks just like your dead Uncle Bob. He’s like my oldest brother come back to life.” There went my last ray of hope.

  My mother picked him up and patted his back. “Oh, you’re so precious.” Over my mother’s shoulder, Michelle gave me a smirk. I could’ve strangled her.

  From there, the visit only became more bizarre, as far as I was concerned. We visited for about an hour. Michelle showed my mother baby pictures of Marcus—minus the ones with her and Trent, who she originally thought was the father. She was acting like she was pure as the driven snow as she showed Marcus’s pictures when he was three months, six months, nine months, a year, two years, and now, three years. I was too dumbfounded to speak, but she and my mother chatted up a storm. It was as if Ma had completely forgotten that I was actually married to another woman who would probably want to murder us all if she witnessed this scene.

  As we were leaving, my mother said to Michelle, “If you ever need anything, or need me to babysit, you can call me.”

  Michelle gave me a smug look. “Yes, ma’am,” she said, closing the door behind us. I didn’t know if this new, kinder, gentler Michelle was real or just an act for my mother, but if it helped me avoid facing the truth with Cathy for just a little longer, I was happy to accept it for now.

  28

  Sonny

  “Hi, Uncle Sonny,” Tiffany’s daughter Nikki shouted as she opened her apartment door and jumped up into my arms.

  “Hey there, pretty girl. I think you forgot something.”

  Nikki wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me right on the cheek. “I didn’t forget,” Nikki insisted. “Rule number one: Always give Uncle Sonny a big kiss when he comes through the door.”

  “That’s my girl. Now, go watch some TV. I’m gonna go get some Chinese food in a little while so your mom doesn’t have to cook.” I let Nikki down and walked over to her brother, Tony, who was playing with his Game Boy.

  “What’s up, partner? Can I get next?” I stuck out my hand and Tony slapped it without even looking up from the game.

  “Sure, Uncle Sonny, but not right now. I just started on this game.”

  “That’s cool. Hey, did you do your homework?” He pointed toward the kitchen table. Tony was a smart kid, but he needed someone to push him. Ever since Tiffany and I started dating, I had volunteered to be that someone. “Look, I’m going to a Yankees game next Friday with my friends. You wanna go?”

  “Yeah!” He stopped playing his game and looked up at me for the first time.

  “Okay, I’ll set it up with your mom.” I looked around. Tiffany was usually sitting in the living room when I came over. “Where is your mom, anyway?”

  “She’s in her room talking to my dad on the phone.” Tony went back to his game.

  “Oh, really?” My eyebrows shot up as I walked into the kitchen and eased the wall phone receiver off the base and hit the mute button. Now I could hear them, but they couldn’t hear me.

  “They’re your kids, Kareem. Not his. Now, I need you to give me some money to help with your children.”

  “What part of ‘I ain’t giving you shit as long as you fuckin’ that nigger Sonny Harrison’ don’t you understand? I don’t give a fuck if they starve.”

  “You a triflin’-ass bastard, you know that, Kareem? Why I ever regarded you as a man at one time, I don’t know. Only a sorry-ass bastard would be like this to his children. You’d rather see your kids hungry and out on the street than help me.”

  “Who you callin’ a bastard, bitch? Don’t make me come over there and whip your ass.” I almost released the mute button and invited him over. One of these days, Kareem and I were going to tango, and when we did, he was going to wish he never met Tiffany.

  Tiffany got quiet, then she said, “I’m not afraid of you anymore, Kareem.”

  “You should be. As many times as I put my foot in your ass. Now, stop calling my phone before seven. You running up my minutes.”

  Kareem hung up, and I heard Tiffany mumble, “Damn, now what am I gonna do?”

  I smiled. Tiffany didn’t have anything to worry about. Whether she knew it or not, I had her back. I hung up the phone, walking from the kitchen to her bedroom as if I hadn’t heard a thing. She was sitting on the bed, trying to hide tears. I sat down beside her.

  “Hey, babe, what’s the matter?” I put my arm around her, patting her back, and she laid her head on my shoulder. “Are you all right?”

  “No, I’m not all right. That bastard I married is tryin’ to say he’s not gonna give me child-support money anymore because I’m messin’ with you. He promised me that money, Sonny. I was going to pay the kids’ tuition with that money. God, I can’t stand that bastard. He don’t even care about his own kids.” Tiffany balled her right fist and punched it into her open palm.

  “Fuck him, Tiffany. I told you before I’d help you with your bills. Haven’t I told you that I want to be here for you? Now, how much you need to pay?”

  Tiffany lifted her head as if she was about to say something, but when I smiled at her, she lowered her head again as if she was ashamed. “Yes, I remember you said you’d like to help out, but I can’t ask you for that kind of money, Sonny.”

  “Why not? I’m your man, aren’t I? Don’t make things harder than what they have to be, Tif. You’ve got me right here saying I’d like to help you. I’ll take care of the kids’ schooling bill. It’s not a problem, okay?”

  “Yes, but they’re not your kids. He should be paying their tuition.” I think Tiffany could tell I was a little hurt by the “not your kids” comment, because she grabbed my hand and spurted her second statement as quick as a reflex action. “The truth is, I may need you to help me with some other bills if I don’t get a new job soon.”

  “New job? What’s wrong with where you work? I thought you liked your job.”

  “I did, but they fired me today. They just let
me go without warning.”

  “Oh, no. That sounds kind of fishy. Did you ask them what were their grounds for firing you?”

  “Yes. I was told some crap about downsizing my position, but I think that shit was racist.” She looked like she was about to cry again. I noticed her bottom lip trembled as she spoke.

  “Don’t cry, Tif. We’re going to get through this. I’ve heard of workplaces being inconsiderate like this before, but we’re not going to let this beat us.”

  “How am I going to pay my rent and keep my kids in private school? I don’t got no job, Sonny.” She looked so frustrated.

  “I think I’ve got the answer to your problem.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You’re worried about paying your rent and the kids going to good schools, right?”

  “Yeah, and…”

  “Well, why don’t you move in with me? I’ve got this big old empty house that both you and the kids love. They can each have their own bedroom, which they don’t have here. There’s plenty of fresh air out there in Long Island, and the schools are good. They can play outside and not be stuck up in this apartment after school.” I could see the wheels spinning around in Tiffany’s head, and I was sure she’d come to the same conclusion I did, but I was wrong.

  “No, Sonny.” She shook her head. “It’s a tempting offer, but I can’t do it. Not yet, anyway. We just started dating, and I promised myself I wouldn’t live with a man unless I was married to him.”

  “Is this a roundabout way to get me to ask for your hand in marriage?”

  “No, this is me trying to convince myself I’m doing the right thing. ’Cause if one more thing happens to me, I might just take you up on your offer.”

  “So, Tiffany, if you don’t come to stay with me, how are you going to pay your bills?”

  “I’ve got a little money stashed away that my mother left me when she passed last year, and I can get unemployment. Oh, and I’m going to take my ex to court.”

  “Yeah, but Tif, are you sure everything will be taken care of on a measly little unemployment check? And who knows how long you’ll be battling back and forth with your ex? Court could take a long while. You sure you don’t need my help?”

  “I’m not sure of anything right now, Sonny, and don’t get me wrong, I’m going to need your help. I just can’t move in with you right now, but I reserve the right to change my mind.” Tiffany kissed me. “I love you, Sonny.”

  “I love you too.”

  “Uncle Sonny, are we going to get some Chinese food or what?” Nikki walked into the room and jumped on the bed.

  “Yes, we’re going.” I stood up and smiled at Tiffany. “We’re going to get through this together, me and you, all right?” Tiffany nodded and gave me a slight smile. “Look, let me run out and get this girl some Chinese food before she loses her mind. Come on, Nikki.”

  29

  James

  “Okay, James, have a nice time at the game.” Cathy gave me a quick kiss and practically pushed me out the front door. I was headed to a baseball game with Sonny and Brent, and our boys were sleeping over at a friend’s house for the weekend, so Cathy was looking forward to a full day alone in the house. As much as she loved her family and missed the boys whenever they were away from her for more than a few hours, I know she longed for those rare moments of peace that came when we were all gone. She had a few DVDs lined up on the coffee table, all chick flicks, of course, and water on the stove to make herself some herbal tea. After a movie, she would probably go upstairs and soak in a tub scented with some sort of feminine concoction she picked up at the Bath & Body Works.

  “Thanks, honey. You enjoy your day at home,” I told her.

  “I will. Do you think you’ll be going out to dinner or something after the game?” Her eyes looked hopeful when she asked the question, like she was trying to squeeze as many male-free hours as she could out of this day.

  “Sure, babe. You don’t have to worry about making anything for dinner. I’ll pick something up before I come home.”

  “Sounds good,” she said, already taking a few steps back into the living room, glancing impatiently toward the waiting DVD player.

  I chuckled as I walked to my car. I was happy she was excited about her day. Cathy was a great mother, and she took good care of me too, so her time off was well deserved. Of course, my guilt over the situation with Michelle and Marcus probably made me even more anxious to see my wife this happy. I had this terrible feeling of dread that at some point soon I would have to confess to her about Marcus being my son, and then there might be very few moments of happiness in my household. If it was still my household.

  As I drove down the street away from my home, my mind, as it had so many times since I received the paternity test results, raced through the many possible ways the scenario could play out. I still hadn’t come up with a plan to reveal the truth to my wife without permanently damaging our relationship. One thing I was sure of, though, was that I had to be the one to tell her. The news could not come from anyone else.

  That was why I was headed to Michelle’s house before I met Brent and Sonny for the game. I had to keep the peace with her, so I promised to take Marcus from her for a few hours to give her a break. Funny how with Cathy I felt the break was well deserved, but with Michelle I still had this nagging feeling that she was taking advantage of the situation and would get rid of Marcus for a day any chance she got. But whatever the case, I was going to pick him up and take him to my mother’s house.

  Michelle seemed to be calling more and more frequently to demand that I babysit, and sooner or later it would be impossible for me to keep up with the lies. Cathy was satisfied with the lie that I had a second job, but at the rate things were progressing, I’d soon be “going to work” every damn night. Thank God my mother was willing to help out, though I knew Michelle still wished I would be the one watching Marcus all the time. She knew that all this babysitting would eventually cause a strain in my marriage, and I’m sure that’s exactly what she wanted. Ever since we ended up wrestling over the phone that one night, and the kiss the night I’d been forced to give her when I got the DNA swab from her mouth, she’d been making suggestive comments about our once-active sexual relationship. Didn’t I miss it? she wanted to know, making it obvious that she did. I guess she figured that if she could pull me out of my bed enough nights of the week, I would have no chance to have sex with my wife, and I’d be horny enough to take her up on her offer to rekindle our relationship.

  Like everything else with Michelle, I played along. While I didn’t act on any of her advances, I didn’t come right out and refuse them, either. Because I let her keep that little bit of hope alive that we might get together again, I was reasonably sure she wouldn’t try to contact Cathy.

  This would be the first time that Marcus would spend a day with my mother, but I was confident things would be fine. They had actually hit it off well on the day she went to Michelle’s house and met him. She always loved babies, and while this one was not conceived in the best of circumstances, he was still her grandchild, and she was looking forward to getting to know him. Michelle wasn’t going to work that day, but she had called, claiming she just needed some time away from Marcus, and my mother had happily agreed to take him so I could still go to the game.

  When I knocked on Michelle’s door, she let me in, and I couldn’t help but notice her appearance. I guess she wasn’t planning to try to seduce me that day. Or, if she was, she was sure going about it the wrong way. Her outfit was nice enough, fitting her curves tightly the way she liked, but her face was totally without makeup, and her hair was wrapped in a dingy old scarf. I was actually relieved that it didn’t look like we’d be playing any of her games. And the way she greeted me confirmed that she was all about business today.

  “You know it’s the end of the week, right?”

  “Uh, yeah, Michelle, I looked at a calendar today. Thanks,” I answered, reminding myself to try to control the sarcas
m. I wanted to get Marcus and get out of there with as little hassle as possible.

  “Shut up, James. You know damn well what I’m talking about.”

  Of course I did. This was Michelle’s reminder that I owed her some money for child support. As long as I gave her something weekly, she agreed that she wouldn’t go the legal route to get court-enforced payments. That was the last thing I needed—for the money to start disappearing from my paychecks. I reached into my pocket and pulled out two hundred-dollar bills, which I handed to her.

  She looked down at the money and a smile came across her face. I seriously doubted that she was thinking about all the things she could buy for her son with that money.

  “Marcus, your daddy is here,” she called toward the bedroom. I still had to get used to being referred to as Daddy by another family. But regardless, I couldn’t help but grin when I saw him come into the hallway. The kid really was cute, and he looked so eager to be going with me. He was innocent in this whole mess, and I didn’t want to see him hurt, no matter how much I couldn’t stand his mother.

  “Hey, little man, you ready to go?” I asked as I reached my hand out to him.

  “Yeah, Daddy.” He gave me a big high-five and laughed.

  “Okay, then. Why don’t you go pick out a few of your toys to bring with you?” I suggested, knowing my mother didn’t really have anything in the house he could play with. Marcus ran to his bedroom to gather his toys, and I stood waiting in the living room.

  “You can sit down if you want,” Michelle said, sounding like she couldn’t care less what I did, before she headed for the kitchen.

  I took a seat on the couch and checked my watch. There was plenty of time for me to get Marcus to my mother’s house and meet Sonny and Brent in time to see the first pitch.

  “Yeah, girl, it’s me.” I heard Michelle’s voice coming from the kitchen. She was obviously on the phone talking to one of her friends, who was probably someone else’s baby mama headache.