Big Girls Do Cry Read online

  Oh, my God. Can you believe the audacity of this woman? Tammy had always been materialistic, but she was acting like I was taking food out of her children’s mouths. “Look, Tammy, that’s Rashad’s thing, not mine, okay? Me and him have a deal. He makes the money; I spend it. Besides, I told you to have Tim call Rashad last year, didn’t I?” This was what I hated about her. She never could take responsibility for anything. It was always someone else’s fault when things didn’t go her way.

  There was silence for a while. It looked like I’d put her in her place, but looks can be deceiving. “Okay, well, now we want to invest.” She reached in her bag and pulled out her checkbook. I put my hand up to stop her. I had to draw the line somewhere.

  “Look, if you want to get into the fund, then talk to Rashad when we get home. I’m sure you and him can work something out. I ain’t got time for that. I’ve got enough problems of my own.”

  I guess my eyes must have taken on a downcast look, or Tammy realized I wasn’t the one to help with her investment needs, because all of a sudden she asked, “Hey, girl, are you feeling okay?”

  I forced a bright smile, thinking about all the things I had to be grateful for—all except for that one thing. The one thing I wanted most in the world and would give up all our newfound wealth for.

  “Yeah, I’m fine.” I tried to sound cheery, but water was welling up in my eyes. Truth is, I was a wreck inside. “Oh, Tammy,” I confessed, “I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I feel like my world’s falling apart.” I took my napkin and wiped my eyes as tears fell.

  “What? What’s the matter?” I didn’t answer right away. “It’s your sister, isn’t it,” she said with certainty. “You know, I never thought having her stay at your house was a good idea.”

  Tammy had always hated the idea of Isis moving down to Richmond and living with me. She’d given me quite a few valid reasons why I shouldn’t allow it, but I always thought Tammy’s real reason was that she was afraid Isis and I would become closer, and that would somehow affect my friendship with her. What she didn’t understand was that, although I was close with my sister, I was much closer to her.

  “Nah, Isis has been good. Other than her running up my phone bill calling that no-good fool Tony in New York, me and her are good. Matter of fact, I’ve seen some of those black and yellow real estate books lying around, so I think she’s looking for an apartment.”

  “Thank God for small favors.” She reached across the table and took my hand. “It’s not Rashad, is it?”

  “What! No,” I said quickly in his defense, taking back my hand. “He’s done nothing but love me and take care of me. I couldn’t ask for a better man.”

  “So, what is it? What am I missing?” Tammy looked into my eyes. “You’ve got everything a woman could want: a beautiful house, a nice car, and a handsome husband with a good job who loves you and you love him.” She stopped, and whatever scenario she dreamed up in her head in that moment caused a worried look to appear on her face. “Don’t you? You do still love him, don’t you?”

  “Oh, my God, of course I do, Tammy. More than anything in this world.” I gave her a genuine smile, and she seemed to relax a bit.

  She let out an exaggerated sigh. “I knew that. I just wanted to hear you say it. You two make a beautiful couple, Egypt. When I see you together, it really makes me happy.”

  For the first time, Tammy really sounded sincere. I didn’t hear a hint of jealousy in her tone, and the truth is, she had no reason to be jealous of my marriage or our achievements. I guess you could say we were equally matched as friends for the first time—that is, except for the one thing.

  “Egypt, what’s going on? What’s bothering you?”

  Finally, I decided to broach the subject that had been on my mind all night.

  “Tammy, we’re friends, aren’t we?”

  She leaned in closer to the table. “Of course we are. You know you’re my girl. I’d do anything for you.” I was glad to hear that. The only question was, did she mean it?

  “Well, I’m glad you said that, because, Tee, I need a favor—no, I don’t even know if you’d call this a favor. I need your help with something. And you know I would never ask you for a favor if it wasn’t really important to me.”

  Tammy sat back in her chair with a look of disgust that caught me off guard. “No, Egypt. The answer is no!” she said adamantly.

  “What do you mean, no? I haven’t even asked you the favor yet.”

  “You don’t have to, because I’m not having a threesome with you and Rashad. Having one with you and Tim was enough to last me a lifetime,” she said loud enough for half the restaurant to hear. I felt my high-yellow face become hot, and I’m sure it was bright red. Part of me wanted to walk out of there right then and there. I could feel the other patrons’ eyes all over me. I swear I’d never been so embarrassed in my life.

  Three years ago, before I was even seeing Rashad, I did have a threesome with Tammy and her husband. The whole thing was crazy. Looking back at it, I can’t even believe I agreed to it. I still can’t believe Tammy even asked me to agree to it. But she did, and I did. All because she wanted to give her husband the ultimate birthday present, and she didn’t trust anyone else with her man. Well, when it came down to it, she didn’t trust me either. She swore Tim and I started having an affair after that one crazy night. It couldn’t have been further from the truth, but Tammy’s jealousy really sent her over the edge for a while. Don’t ask me how we still remained friends after that, because it almost ruined our friendship, not to mention her marriage.

  “Tammy, you got me all wrong, girl. I wasn’t going to ask you to have a threesome. I swear to God.” I put my right hand up in the air. “Ugh. Just the thought of Rashad being with another woman turns my stomach.”

  “You weren’t going to ask me that?” I could hear relief in her voice, but she studied my face as if she doubted I was telling the truth.

  “No!” I said assuredly. “I don’t even know where that came from. I’ll never do anything like that again in my life. You know that mess was painful for all of us. Why would I even think about getting into a situation like that again?”

  “Damn, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I let my mind play tricks on me. But with Rashad’s birthday coming up, I just knew that’s what you were going to ask me. I—” Suddenly she stopped speaking, and her head went from side to side.

  I looked around to see people staring at us like we had on clown costumes. One woman at the table next to us was glaring so hard I had to say something to her. “What are you looking at?”

  “Egypt, don’t worry about her.”

  “People need to mind their own damn business.” I wasn’t normally so rude to strangers. I guess the tension of my situation and the fact that I just had to defend myself from Tammy was really getting to me. Either way, it made the woman finally look the other way.

  “Look, stop beating around the bush. You said you need a favor. What is it?”

  “Okay, I’m sorry.” I turned to her, hesitating for a second before I spoke. I really couldn’t believe I was about to tell her my secret, but part of me was happy to share it with her and get it off my chest. “Rashad and I didn’t tell anybody, but I had a miscarriage a few months ago.”

  “Oh, Egypt, I’m so sorry.”

  “We didn’t want to tell anybody I was pregnant until I was three months,” I explained. “Then when I lost the baby, I couldn’t talk to anyone about it other than Rashad. Until now.”

  “Oh, Egypt, honey, you should have told me. I would have come down sooner.” Her eyes looked like they were tearing, which caused mine to tear again. It was good to know that she really cared. “I would have been here for you.”

  “I know, but it gets a little worse.”

  I hesitated again, and Tammy said, “Girl, if you don’t tell me what’s going on …”

  “I’m sorry. It’s just a little hard to talk about.” I took a deep breath. “I just got the report back from
my doctor—”

  “Are you all right?” She reached out and held my hand for support. “Seriously, you okay?”

  “I’m fine, Tammy, far as I know—except for one problem. I had an endometrial biopsy….”

  “Oh, no, girl, don’t tell me nothing bad. Please don’t tell me they think you got cancer or something.” She closed her eyes as if she was afraid to hear what I was about to say. She was being awfully dramatic about everything, and I hadn’t even gotten to the favor yet. But that was Tammy; she never did anything in an understated way. I just hoped all this concern she was showing for me translated to her wanting to grant my wish.

  “No, really, I’m fine. I just had it to see if my uterus could support a pregnancy.”

  “And? What’d they say?”

  “It can’t. I can’t.” I felt the tears rising, but I bit my lip and held them back. I was an emotional wreck, but I didn’t want to show it in the restaurant again now that the other patrons had finally stopped staring. “Rashad’s sperm count is excellent. It’s me who can’t get pregnant. My womb won’t hold a baby.”

  Tammy leaned back in her chair and folded her arms. “Girl, just relax and it’ll happen. These doctors are always saying stuff like that. The next thing you know, you got crumb snatchers running around everywhere.”

  Damn, so much for my sympathetic friend. I guess she was so relieved that it wasn’t cancer that she just brushed my feelings aside. She didn’t realize how badly I wanted to have a baby—Rashad’s baby.

  “No, my doctor says the chances of me sustaining a pregnancy are slim to none. I’m barren, Tammy. I can’t have a baby.” I buried my face in my hands. “What kind of wife can’t give her husband the baby he wants so badly?”

  “Girl, you need a second opinion. I know plenty of women whose doctors said they couldn’t have babies, and they’re pushing strollers right now.”

  “You don’t understand. This is the fourth doctor we’ve talked to.”

  That made her pause. All of a sudden, she didn’t look so confident. I guess she realized that her words of encouragement were falling on deaf ears. “Damn, what’re you going to do?”

  It was now or never. I mounted the courage to ask my best friend the ultimate favor. “Actually, the question is, what do we want you to do, Tammy?”

  One of her eyebrows went up, and her mouth kind of hung open. I could see by her expression that she had just figured out what my favor was.

  “I know this is a lot to ask, Tammy, but will you be the surrogate for our baby?”

  Tammy’s hand flew to her heart, and she looked even more shocked now that she’d heard the words. “You need to stop playing, ‘cause I know you ain’t serious.”

  “I am serious, Tammy. Serious as a heart attack. Will you be our surrogate and have our baby for us?”

  “I told you, you need to stop, Egypt. This shit ain’t funny. You nearly gave me a heart attack for real.” She waved her hand at me, then laughed. “Me having another baby. That shit is funny.”

  The fact that she could laugh at this situation was starting to piss me off. I folded my arms, locking my eyes on hers like laser beams. “Do I look like I think something is funny? I’m asking you for a favor. I want a baby.” She just didn’t understand how important this was to me.

  Tammy’s face softened. “Oh, my God. You’re really serious about this, aren’t you?”

  I nodded, waving a strand of hair out of my eyes. “Yes. Never been more serious about anything in my life. Please, Tammy. You don’t know how much this would mean to me and Rashad.”

  She paused, rubbing her temples as if she suddenly had a throbbing headache. If there was ever a time I wished that I was a mind reader, this was it. I couldn’t even imagine what was going through her head or what decision she would make. All I knew was that I wanted—no, needed—her to do this for me, no matter what the cost. What I wanted was a yes, though with the way this conversation was going, I would have settled for a “let me think about it.”

  She sighed, lowering her head, then lifting it to look me in the eyes. “This isn’t any small favor you’re asking.”

  “I know that, but I’m desperate. You don’t know how much I want to have a baby of my own.”

  “Well, why don’t you adopt? There are plenty of black babies who need a good home. My friend Tina from Hollis just adopted a beautiful baby girl.” She made everything sound so simple.

  “Rashad doesn’t want to adopt. He wants his own baby. His own flesh and blood. He’s the last male in his family. He wants his family bloodline to go on. You can understand that, can’t you? And without your help, he’s not going to get it.” I couldn’t help it. The tears just started flowing. “I feel like leaving Rashad so he can find a woman who’s not broken.”

  She handed me her napkin. “Look, don’t talk like that. You are not your sister. Everything’s going to be okay.”

  I lifted my head and wiped my tears. “So, you’ll do it?”

  “I don’t know what I’m going to do. This is not a decision you make in five minutes. I’ve gotta go home and think about it. Plus, I have to talk to Tim.”

  A glimmer of hope. “I understand. I love you for this, Tammy.” I got out of my chair and gave her a huge hug, praying that she would make my dreams come true.

  Loraine

  2

  Have you ever heard the cliché “get a life”? Well, that’s how I felt, like I needed to get a life as I watched Jerome work the room on his way up to the karaoke machine at the Soul Cafe in the west end of Richmond. Of course, Jerome and his charismatic behind knew everybody and had to shake every man’s hand and kiss every woman’s cheek on his way to the stage. I swear I could sit there for hours watching people watching him. It was comical the way folks just seemed to be drawn to him, including me.

  I let out a laugh as he walked by a table occupied by a man and woman in their late thirties. The woman was leaning against the man, who had his arms wrapped around her waist. Her head was facing forward, but her eyes were following Jerome like a hungry lioness about to pounce on a zebra. What really made it funny was that her man was doing the same damn thing behind her back. Oh yeah, the down-low brothers were in full effect here in Richmond. I actually felt bad for the sister. Part of me wanted to walk over there to pull her coattails and tell her exactly what her man was doing, but I’d learned the hard way that you can’t tell a sister shit about her man that deep down she doesn’t already know.

  I’d let Jerome talk me into coming over to the Soul Cafe for a drink following our book club meeting. Well, at least that’s what I was there for. Jerome, on the other hand, was there to get all the women’s panties wet with his damn-near-professional singing voice.

  “Good evening,” Jerome’s deep voice boomed as he took the microphone from the DJ. You could hear the sighs from the women in the audience already. He really knew how to work the crowd.

  One woman shouted out, “Good evening to you, Tall-Dark-and-Handsome. What you doing later tonight?”

  The crowd busted out laughing, then settled down as the background music for Luther Vandross’s “Always and Forever” got started.

  As he prepared to sing, Jerome strutted in front of the crowd in his navy blue Brooks Brothers suit and pale pink shirt with matching handkerchief. Now, Jerome was a very good-looking guy who was always dressed as sharp as a tack. But when he opened his mouth to sing, that good-looking guy transformed into the finest guy in the room. His voice just seemed to reach out and touch you. And when you heard him sing for the first time, it was like having your first orgasm, and all of a sudden, you understood what all the fuss was about.

  When Jerome finished his song, everybody in the room was on their feet. As usual, he’d done his damn thing. I can’t tell you how proud of him I was as I stood there clapping my hands, watching him shake one hand after another as he made his way back to our table.

  “Excuse me, miss.” I looked up. A very attractive, tall, curvy but thin woman, probably
in her late twenties, was standing next to me. She was wearing a microskirt and a blouse that left nothing to the imagination. She was just the kinda twiglike bitch a sister my size couldn’t stand.

  “Yes, can I help you?” I put on a fake smile, because I was in the public-relations business, and you never know who could be a potential client—although I doubted it very much in this case.

  “Umm, do you know him?” She pointed at Jerome, who was still shaking hands and kissing cheeks about halfway from the stage.

  I nodded. “Yes, I know him.”

  “Well, is he single?” Little Miss Size 8 looked so excited. I don’t think she even considered that Jerome could possibly be my man. I wanted to bust her bubble and say, “Hell no, he’s not single. He’s my damn man!” But she didn’t care if he was single or not. None of these heifers who chased him down ever did. But the truth of the matter was that he wasn’t my man. He hadn’t been my man in years. He was just my friend now. I was okay with that, because Jerome would do anything for me. He was the best friend I had in this world.

  “Uh-huh, he’s single.” I nodded. “But—”

  She cut me off, pulling up a chair like we were old friends. “Do you think you can introduce me? I think he is so fine.”

  I smirked at her presumptuous behavior. She was smiling so hard I could see every tooth in her mouth.

  “Yes, he’s a very handsome man,” I replied.

  “No, girl, he’s not handsome; he’s lollipop-licking fine, and I got me one hell of a sweet tooth.”

  I sat back in my chair to enjoy the show, because this was going to be fun. I absolutely loved watching women pursue Jerome. They always made fools out of themselves. I was sure from her confident attitude that this one had already planned out exactly how she was going to seduce Jerome. The only question now was, would he allow her to do it?

  “Well, who do we have here?” Jerome smiled as he sat down at the table a few minutes later. His forehead was sweating profusely from all that moving around onstage, so I handed him a napkin to wipe his brow.